Sunday, February 17, 2013

B-Rated Horror Review: Sand Sharks

So, periodically I make my husband watch terrible movies with me. It's not because I can't watch them on my own, but because it is infinitely more fun to watch them with someone. Given some of the movies we've watched, it's a miracle we're still together and he actually married me.
Which brings us to last night's choice:
Sand Sharks (2011)
The first thing I would like to draw your attention to is the poster. Which is Sharks meets Tremors meets Piranha 3-D. Just in case you hadn't noticed that on your own.
Anyway, the movie: Takes place on an island that is suffering from hard economic times and lack of tourists despite being absolutely idyllic to look at. Turns out this is because of a party that douche-y main male character threw some years back that resulted in mass shark attacks and the death of the sheriff's wife and child (all of which is addressed for about thirty seconds of screen time). Yadda, yadda, yadda. Same douche-y main male character comes back to the island with the mob on his tail wanting to throw another Spring Break party to revive the economy. Oh yeah, and his father is the mayor so plan gets approved. There's a problem though. SAND SHARKS. Yes, prehistoric era "dinosharks" that can move through the sand like water. Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.

So some random thoughts on this movie:

Sand Sharks is supposed to be comedic. Which is a bit of a mixed bag in all honesty. Sometimes it makes for something cheesy and great and sometimes it makes for something even worse than if they had been serious. This one really does hit about middle of the road with that. Being a comedy, the need to throw in the cliche characters for two minutes of screen time before the shark eats them is either funny (read: the hillbillies out in a boat hunting the shark) or annoying (read: the snooty girl and her boyfriend on the beach fighting).

It also stars Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk Hogan (in case you had no idea), as a marine biologist. Really, she's the biggest actress of note here. Her acting skills... Well, let's just say that instead of going into acting, she probably should had followed her dad into the WWE. That's about where they are. Plus she kind of has linebacker shoulders so she already looks like a WWE Diva.

My husband's favorite part of the movie was the "scientific" description of how the sharks move through sand. "They're scales create a hydrogliding effect in sand." (Approximate quote.) Yeah, that's all you get for explanation. Which is funny, because sand sharks are a real thing. Not gigantic dino ones that eat people, but tiny ones are real and live in Florida. It seems like it wouldn't be that hard to do the research to find out how they move through the sand.

My favorite part is when Brooke and the sheriff are stuck on a rock surrounded by sharks with no way out. Cut to scene with someone else who goes to the sheriff's office and there they are. "I thought you were stuck." "We were, now we're not." Entire conflict resolution right there.

So to tie up this whole thing that is probably way longer than it needed to be for this particular movie:
It was alright. I think even when you're making parody movies, there's no excuse to be just plain lazy as a filmmaker, but it does have a high death count and it is over the top ridiculous. It's worth your time if this kind of movie is your thing, but it's not going to do anything to convert you if it's not.
Also, there's this guy named Earl, who does not have any kind of YouTube video to demonstrate how awesome he is, but, yeah, look for him. He was my favorite character.

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